How do I know Forgiveness is Real.... By the Grace of Jesus I know it.

    My Life  has been anywhere from Perfect. My life would face many things far from my control. I was young as 4 when I remembered I started to believe in God.   It was between 4 or 5 when I would begin to be Physicallyand sexually abused by a monster in the family. His abuse grew more as I got older. But  I would be abused by more then 3 people growing up. One would be my brothers then Best friend. He would molest me every time he came over to our house. I was deathly scared of him.
     Then one day while visiting this family member he would grab both my arms and he would keep jarring me towards him for  kisses. When I finally broke free I ran out of the house  screaming to my parents then my dad would go running in.... he told my mom to take me for a walk. I thought he was going to Kill him, he didn't but I was so scared. So I never told the many secrets I kept from girlfriends who thought it would be fun to fondle me while I slept off a seizure at sleep overs to my then brothers friends constant incessant abuse and that went on from the time I was 6 til 17.  I warned friends he went after like prey to be his girlfriend turning them into sex fiends.  My friends did not want to believe me although I tried to warn them. Girls innocence lost by this animal.
       He would even try to come after me when he come home on leave from the Navy.  I really was petrified of him. I was so glad when he left for the Navy.  I prayed he never come back. One day he did and I locked myself in the bathroom and was waiting for me. I was so petrified I couldn't get the door opened. I screamed bloody murder for my mom she had to jar it open to get me out of the bathroom because the door jammed.   I was so ashamed by all that was going home. I know I told a few ppl but I vaguely remember telling them to never tell bc I was so afraid of what my dad would do. I was so young and ashamed. I felt dirty by these people touching me inappropriately. I was just a child , I did not know it was bad at the time it happened til I saw a Maury Povich show when I was about 11 or 12 I guess then I told someone and again  said dont tell . The abuse toyed with my mind.
       While in school I had a  speech therapist teacher he would close the door on just us and one day it got scary I climbed the fire escape in room. I left screaming and crying all the way home . When I told another teacher of him she defended my mom n I and got fired for taking up my defense. He was moved to another school. I would not see him for 4-5 years when I  went to other grade school for choir show and  he creeped me out thru me into a seizure  Just great! He still scared me even all those years later.

     When  I was 18, I would undergo brain surgery to remove my seizure disorder. I had repressed  all abuse  from my family member to the girls I knew to my brothers best friend. I just went on living acting like nothing happened til I woke up from Brain surgery In December 1991. I died on the table which I would be told by Jesus it was time to go back after a few minutes dead. I dd not want to return because I knew what awaited me in the since of my nightmare.   But I came back .
 It would be about 2.5 weeks after surgery I ould start dreaming about all the abuse I endured by all people . Only way I slept in the hospital was from the narcotics   Once released from the hospital in Jan.1992, I would start reliving my nightmare in living color every time I closed my eyes I saw it. I was having full on flashbacks from my childhood. Night tremors ,panic attacks  became a way of life for me when I came home. I became a total insomniac because I could not sleep at night. One day about 9 months after my surgery I call my Neurologist asking him for something for what I thought was Panic attacks.  I started taking 2 mgs of Ativan then moved  up to the max dose of 4 mg .
 I went back to high school and was zombie like  and once again  I would have another teacher do something stupid in high school this time I did  go tell the principal but wanted to remain anonymous but my   bad the principal told and two days later my A went to a C real quick. I started to avoid his class and every time I did I was the only one given homework.  Still not sleeping at night and I would not sleep at night for 3.5 years.   I was a believer in God and knew he existed bc of when I died on the operating table in December, 1991.  I  fought hard to graduate high school but had to fight the school district to get it.  Even after high school I still had trouble sleeping at night, still fighting panic attacks and Night tremors.    I had still not told my dad about the abuse I endured from all people  including his own father but it was November 1993 when  I would scream telling mom to get my dad home bc I needed to tell him.I could not handle this anymore, even told mom to find me a counselor only the counselor made me feel worse then I already had. I did not trust her nor did I  like her. I thought I was going crazy.
    Forgiveness would come through gods grace  In April 1995,  I would be lying on my bed in my room door closed crying in full on panic attack had not slept in days. I laid on my bed in front of  this picture of Jesus on my wall.

 I had been praying the rosary for a few years daily.  I  was crying so hard begging God to take my life because I could not handle it. Then I asked the Lord what am I to do? I clearly heard "FORGIVE THEM"   How am I to forgive them Lord they hurt me. I hate them.  Again I would hear "FORGIVE THEM" . OK Lord I will  forgive them all if you help me. It was then the holy spirit when from that picture and through me. I forgave all my abusers that day in 1995.    I felt peace overcome me immediately. Tears dried up and panic attacks went away. I knew it was true forgiveness that night I asked my mom if she had my brothers friends phone number if not to get it asap. I called him asking if he remembered what he did to me. He did not deny and I told him "I forgive you" to him. He was like wow thank you!  It was then I knew my nightmare ended.   From that night on I was able to sleep through the whole night.I had lost so many nights of sleep over the secrets I help onto . I was no longer ashamed , afraid or felt dirty. Jesus healed my soul that late afternoon. Jesus can heal our hurts and  heal us from our transgressions. His grace is enough. He is the healer of all healers.  By his grace we are forgiven for the sins we commit or those committed against us.    It is now 20 years later I still have no anger towards those past abusers  I can speak of them with no anger. Just because   you forgive does not mean you like them or need to love them it means you took back  control of your life.  If you need to forgive I urge  you to ask our Lord Jesus Christ to help you forgive your offender so you can be released so you can live freely again.   With forgiveness I am able to help others. I love to help others in need and I would love to pray for you if you like. 

Domestic Violence two cases of people I knew murdered...THE VERDICTS are in !!!!

            On September 15, 2014,  Circuit Judge Gary Kramer debunked Circuit Judge Mark Stoll and rejected plea deal for McDonough who killed  his estranged wife Deborah Mcdonough in their home in July 2012. . His plea gave him lesser charge and a lesser sentence. Come to find out his attorney was former prosecuting attorney. So this guy gets  his plea deal reinstated by the new judge  by charging him with 2nd  degree  murder and  sentencing him to 16  years in prison. How can a man who tells the police he hurt his wife real bad. Tells their son she was napping while she laid dead. Police find him hiding in the basement.

      Why would the new  new judge would reinstate his plea deal that the other judge rejected in 

January 2014? Debbies children are  living  with their grandparents doing well despite all they have been through.  But these children are now left motherless and fatherless by circumstance.  Debbie was killed because she wanted sole custody of her children and went to her home alone to pay bills on a business they had. ebbies family is still very devastated over her senseless murder. Please keep her family and children in your prayers.

     
   The case of Hank Hawes in Columbia , South Carolina is getting ready to begin in the murder of Jennifer Wilson. Jennifer was an associate professor at the University South Carolina-Columbia. She just earned her tenure there. She had  won a Fulbright Scholarship and spent a yr abroad. She helped in raising $500,00 for grants for the University her time there. She had a true love for literacy and making sure children learned to read and love it too. She was an avid skier as well. She was bubbly, vibrant and full of life. 

      Hank Hawes was her ex boyfriend. Sometime on the late evening evening hours  of  August 27, 2011 and early hours of August 28,2011 he  had a violent argument with her. The police came and knocked on her door lights out no answer they left.  By the time the police came Jennifer was already stabbed 50 times and Hawes remained hiding in her home til around 8 am. They found enough evidence in his home and car  and Jennifer's home to put him away for life. I hope the judge gives him the maximum sentence he can. Hank Hawes was sentenced to life in Prison. JUSTICE served!!No one else can be hurt by this Animal .  I pray for Jennifer's family and friends. 

   You see you don't have to be married in order to be a part of a domestic violence murder. Women are at a greater risk of being murdered when they get out of  their relationship.  Are  you or someone you know are being abused, Speak Up, don't remain Silent! Dont be ashamed! Its not your fault! Thing s you need when you leave:

Safety packing list

Safety packing list

Identification for yourself and your children

• Birth certificates
• Social Security cards (or numbers written on paper if you can't find the cards)
• Driver's license
• Photo identification or passports
• Welfare benefits card
• Green card

Important papers

• Marriage certificate
• Divorce papers
• Custody orders
• Legal protection or restraining orders
• Health insurance papers and medical cards
• Medical records for all family members
• Children's school records
• Investment papers/records and account numbers
• Work permits
• Immigration papers
• Rental agreement/lease or house deed
• Car title, registration, and insurance information
• Records of police reports you have filed or other evidence of abuse

Money and other ways to get by

• Cash
• Credit cards
• ATM card
• Checkbook and bankbook (with deposit slips)
• Jewelry or small objects you can sell

Keys

• House
• Car
• Safety deposit box or Post Office box

Ways to communicate

• Phone calling card*
• Cellphone*
• Address book

Medications

• At least one month's supply for all medicines you and your children are taking
• A copy of any prescriptions

Things to help you cope

• Pictures
• Keepsakes
• Children's small toys or books

* Don't share a calling card or cellphone plan with an abuser, because they can be used to find you. And if you already have a shared card or phone plan, try not to use them after you've left.

Explore other publications and websitesMore information on Safety planning for abusive situations

• Breaking Up (Copyright © National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline) - This website gives tips on how to end an unhealthy relationship safely and how to prepare for the difficult feelings afterward.
• Create a Teen Safety Plan (Copyright © Family Violence Prevention Fund) - If your safety is at risk, use this fact sheet to create a plan to keep safe and find the support you need.
• Getting Ready to Leave (Copyright © WomensLaw.org) - If you are in an abusive relationship, and you feel that you are ready to leave the abuser, here are some tips to help keep you as safe as possible when preparing to leave.
• Safety Planning: A Guide for Individuals with Physical Disabilities (Copyright © National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life) - This safety plan helps adults with physical disabilities deal with violence, stay safe when leaving an abusive situation, and understand restraining orders.
• Safety Planning: How You Can Help (Copyright © National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life) - This booklet lists a variety of ways to help people with cognitive disabilities with safety planning if they are being harmed.
• 
  

http://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/safety-planning-for-abusive-situations.html

 www.thehotine.org

1-800-799-SAFE

Domestic Violence awareness is October

Domestic violence Awareness!!!

  

    Domestic Violence is a topic I chose not because I am a victim of it or a survivor of it . But,because it is a cause I believe in. I did volunteer for a DV shelter while my hubby was away on a unaccompanied tour in S.Korea, in 1999-2000. I couldn't wallow in my pity anymore and my daughter needed her mother back. I decided the best thing to do was go train and volunteer somewhere that I could make a difference and that's what I did. I trained 30 hrs with the Center and underwent interviews for the volunteer position regularly during training. Training was intense and well planned. I could not ask for better. I learned a lot back then. But Since then unfortunately statistics have gotten worse.

Women are beaten, battered ,or abused every 9 seconds in America.  One in every four women experience domestic violence and one in every six will experience a sexual assualt. Did you know that 1 in 12 women and 1 in 45 men will be stalked in their lifetime. Wow thats a scary statistic isn't it.

 2 The majority (73%) of family violence victims are female. Females were 84% of spousal abuse

An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.

victims and 86% of abuse victims at the hands of a boyfriend.

Factors include:

1.addictions to drugs/ alcohol

2. being raised in that enviroment, its a learned behavior to the child who then grows up to be an abuser.

those are only a few factors

Domestic violence is emotional, verbal, physical or sexual, or psychological abuse. Domestic violence is all about control. They tend to act as if they are out of control but in all actuiality they have total control. There arte three cycles to domestic violence this picture implements it very well. Take a look at the cycles of it 

Women need to be safe during any of these periods.

Women who do chose to leave a batterer are at a 75% greater risk of being murdered by their abuser. But many women do succeed in fleeing and getting that second chance at a free life . In order to leave a battered situation one must be very careful and have many things in order first.

Men are also battered but they are far less likely to report it and statistics are low but we do know it exists. But men I ask you to please come forth with it we need your cases to be heard. We need to have better statistics on you. Never be ashamed it happens and we know it does . You can call the hotline anonymously too at 1-800-799-SAFE.

If you know you are going to leave open a bank account in your name only for your financial safety and identity

1.) Have a Plan A always have a support system in action

2.) always have a backup plan in case something goes awry.

3.) the abused must cut off all communication from their abuser once they leave.

4.) gather all important documents for yourself and children.(birth certificates, social security cards, insurance cards, driver's license, passports)

5.) have spare change for emergency calls or a cell phone

6.) always leave when abuser is not at home

7. ) If need be call cops for help if you feel your safety is threatened while trying to leave

8.) keep all voice recorded voice/text messages as evidence

Once you are to a safe location seek a order of protection for you and your children. You come first!!

If by all means you need a safe haven call a local Domestic violence Shelter in your area. Most provide shelter for 30 days and offer counseling, group therapy, legal services, job support , and help find you a safe place to start over. They try to provide you with all basic necessities  you don't have to help you start over.

It is hard Work, but it can be done ladies . Mostly the Salvation Army is there to help the men in need. there are not many shelters for men who are abused . But Salvation Army is a great source to help you. I seen it first hand. Whats truly gratifying is when one is helped and comes back and says later thank You and has a new bundle of Joy in her arms from a new found start in her life with a new relationship. It truly is satisfying.

I not have been battered but I have been in a very verbally abusive relationship with my first boyfriend what a way to learn huh. I have seen Domestic violence in other family members who have gone thru it and other military spouses who endured it.

     Now can a man or woman really change. I say this loosely. Only if they truly want to change only if they ask god and seeks professional help do I believe he/she can because I do not think a person can't do it on their own. But even then sometimes it is not possible for change. Sometimes it is be better to just lock them up and throw in the towel as they say. I have known many who don't think they are doing wrong so they don't need help. But is it ok for a person to lay a hand on a person when they are angered or in a state of irate. NO!  So then if you are angry , mad, or full of rage we need to learn to step away from our loved ones instead of using them as punching bags. It is not right and it is abusive to not only the body but to a persons mind and soul too.  It does not matter if you know a person well or not if you see abuse or hear anything out of the ordinary report it to the Police or call 1-800-799-SAFE for Domestic violence. Never let it go unreported.

Several years ago I moved to Texas. I met a very nice neighbor I liked her a lot, but not so much her husband. I am a watcher. I watched how she acted when he was around. One day or actually many days striking up a conversation on my volunteering at domestic violence shelter. She never told me . I just knew. She said how did you  know?  I said I really didn't but by watching how scared you were to step away from him when I was talking to her. She wouldn't say much. Then one day in November /December that year she kicked him out. She & I talked at great lengths. I never heard any screaming/ yelling or seen any bruises if I had I would of told. I know the damaging affects it can do but she said by all the info Id given her thru our random talks gave her courage to seek help from a shelter and to leave her husband. I was proud of that. A few years later she remarried and hes a great provider to her and her children. I love a great ending to a bad beginning. Love does not need to hurt. 

Domestic violence is real and exists in america. Here are a few pics of what it looks like after ones been battered or beaten. Please report it if you ever see it in any way.

Another thing one should do is to always ask if you suspect it, but to assure the one you think is being battereed its not their fault. You are only there to help them. Many feel abandoned bc many are by family and friends. Battered women don't leave for many reasons. And I can tell ya its not because they are stupid its out of pure fear of dying, low self esteem, no job skills/life skills. once one can obtain those they can do anything. I have confidence in anyone who wants a better life and wants to leave but let others help you do that. Do not go about it alone!

Now I leave you with this poem i found .

www.asafeplaceforhelp.org

www.thehotline.org

Help stop Domestic ABuse, Child Abuse and Elderly Abuse . Love is not meant to hurt but Abuse does!!

Much love and blessings,

Kim

  On August 28,2011, a girl I went to high school with was murdered by stabbing, by a former boyfriend at her place in South Carolina.She was an associate Professor at South Carolina University-Columbia and just earned her tenure there.

      She was an accomplished woman, who had passion for teaching children to love to read . Literacy was very important to her as I have come to know after her death. I wish we were friends b4 her death. She had an infectious smile and a positive outlook on life. A very sweet girl now woman. her life taken far too soon for all the wrong reasons.  I have been praying for her family and friends as of late.  The eerie thing is ,  I saw her pic in my yearbook from 1993, and asked where are u now and got this eerie feeling over me.  So sad to find out the following day she was murdered.  You will forever be remembered Jennifer. o you see you don't have to be married to be in a bad situation? You can be a relationship  that has been over  for months but the one person cant let go! So please  be safe when you chose to leave .  

     In 2012 another girl I went to school with was murdered by her estranged husband , leaving two beautiful children to be raised by her parents and a active uncle. Debbie you will forever be remember too.May God Bless them all and everyone who is affected by Domestic Violence. 

here are some great websites to go to if you or someone you know needs help.

www.endabuse.org
www.thehotline.org

where faith dies, there is hope.

Blogophilia Week 48.5 topic:  Where Faith Dies, There is Always Hope
Bonus Points: 
(Hard, 2pts):  Use the same sentence as a first and last line
(Easy, 1pt):  Include 2 musical instruments




  Where faith dies, there is always hope.  Well  this can bring me to a place I have been before.  Have you ever been betrayed by a friend or a significant other or family. Your faith in them dies when you are betrayed. Often then we lose our faith in God for letting us go through something traumatic, But you can always hope that your faith in those can be rebuilt.

     I have had to rebuild my marriage from the bottom up . Hence last weeks blog on peeling back the layers. I think the third blog I wrote but having felt like that daughter poem growing up.  I think we all can lose faith in something but to know there is always hope in rebuilding it and starting fresh and anew. Brings us back to having faith in something again.  I had lost a friendship years ago over my having brain surgery. Friends did not know how to deal with me becoming fully disabled. Dealing with seizures was easy compared to a friend with partial paralysis not being able to run or walk like I  once could so some of those friendships died and some were brought back. Hope in knowing you never fully lost them as your friend is so great.  

 I dont think I have ever lost  faith in  god but I do know I kind of back slid when I was going through so much at one time. But today to have hope in my faith in god brings me such peace and its a wonderful thing to have in my life to be surrounded by so many in my church that love me and take me as I am.  I am blessed beyond belief even in my marriage today I am thankful that god used his trumpets and flutes to  bring solace in my life and to rebuild that hope that  was once lost  a few years ago. Where faith dies, there is always Hope.

Twenty Years later……..The Day that Changed My Life

 

me 3 weeks after Brain Surgery Dec.1991

     As the days drew closer, I became more excited about this day, because I knew this would be the day that would change my life forever. Not knowing….. How my life would be forever changed? That was the scariest part of it all. Will I survive without side effects? Will I survive with side effects? Worst yet, will I die? Brain Surgery would change my life in a way I would not know until I woke up, if I wake up? It was a day I will never forget.

     It was Dec.5, 1991. There were several events that led me to this day in my life. I distinctly remember this day. I had to be at the hospital the day before for pre-operative procedures. It was that day that I prayed to God, that he may do what he saw fit, but I asked only that if I were to live I could live a decent life. I did not want to be brain dead or like a woman I saw after her surgery where she wanted to be waited on hand and foot with no side effects from her surgery.    There were three possible side effects that could hhappen. I had 3% chance of having a heart attack, a stroke or losing my peripheral vision. The morning of surgery I had to have my beautiful long hair shaved completely off. I was not scared until I heard my mom nearby, then I became NERVOUS. My OR (operating room) nurse was wonderful. She said, “If you like, I’ll hold your hand through the entire surgery”. I said, “Yes I’d like that.”
       During the operation I had a slight stroke. That was the moment I died for a brief minute or two. That is when I was floating above my body, which lay on the operating table. I could see the doctors and nurses work diligently on my lifeless body. I was kept in a medically induced coma for a few days on the third day I awoke. I woke up from a long sleep a changed person, mentally, physically and emotionally. My life was altered in a way I did not understand. I just knew my life would never be the same. My life from then on out was averted to pure determination. My attitude changed 180 degrees. My body was different as well.
     I would have to learn to do so much all over again like a baby does. I was determined to conquer each one. The first was to walk again with partial paralysis on the left side of my body. I learned to walk with a large quad cane first. It was a process I took day by day. It took me nine months to gain back my ability to where I could walk without a gait belt. Life after brain surgery made me even more determined to graduate from high school. I fought hard to earn my high school diploma. I even had to fight the school district to get it. It was several months after graduation that I obtained my diploma. I graduated in May2011 from University of Maryland University College with my Bachelors of Science in MGMT with a concentration in Philosophy.      In conclusion two important things came from this day. First, I became closer in my relationship with God and with my parents. Secondly, I gained a new respective towards life. I would not trade this day for anything. It has taught me so much and has made me a stronger and better person. My life is definitely better today, even with a disability. This day changed my life forever in many ways. Never give up on your hopes and dreams. Keep shooting for the stars no matter how long it takes you to get there!!

    In the 20 years I have learned  from God that there is No why Me? I am not entitled to anything. He loves me and he has given me the ability to forgive all the past hurts that was done to me by others and I feel no hate, resentment, or anger towards those people who caused it. But I also learned thru forgiveness does not mean I trust them or do I need to like them it means I am able to let go and move forward in my life. I took control back of my life. I know thru God all things are possible.  I know this I have big dreams and aspiratrions and I will continue to fight for a job or eventually just open my own business so I can live my life according to gods will.  I am just grateful for everything I have in my life. I am thankfu; to have such wonderful parents here on earth and for  great friends and   for a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters!   Who of thought I get this far in life. Many told me I would npt graduate Highschool nor college. I am here to tell you anyone can do anything they put their mind to it  with faith, hope and god  you can do it!! I cant believe it has been 20 years already! Heres to another 20 years! When I die for good. I want to leave a legacy behind about my positiveness, of laughter,  of helping others and a sense of you can accomplish whatever you want in this life. I want people to see  that life can be happy regardless the circumstance!

 me Nov.2011

    

Blessed regardless the circumstances!

 Rergardless the circumstances I have faced been challenged with and overcame. I am BLESSED! No one  has a Perfect life, butt the Lord God Almighty. My life began on November 14, 197? . when I was 10 months old I fell off my parents bed onto a cermamic tile floor knocking myself unconscious. My dad said I was turning blue by the time I got to the hospital. They then transported me to St.Louis,Childrens Hospital.  Where I was observed for 6 hrs unconscious. They were just about to wisk me away to the OR and operate on my brain, when I woke up.  Wow can  we say "God Moment". I was blessed bc what could have happend if  they had gone through with the unneeded brain surgery. I have learned there is a rule of thumb if you do not wake at that 7 hr mark they do surgery to alleviate any kind of undue swelling or pressure building up on  your brain. Of course today tehcnology is 1000% better and ppl are not undergoing undue orr unwarranted surgery as guinea pigs today like in the past.     A few weeks later my parents noticed something was not right, I get rushed into  Childrens oediatric Neurology clinic undergo testing and find out I have a seizure disorder called Epilepsy. I had what was called Complex Partial Seizures! Wow a double whammy !!  
      So I went thru many different medications which only would work for a time then Id have to switch.  I had three near drowings growing up . One at the lake where my uncle had property. Then when I was a teenager I had a seizure at the high school pool where I started going under my dad could not get to me bc he had a leg/foot cramp.  Then I started swimming straight to him and grabbed his leg pulled up and dont remember the seizure. It felt like I was just swimming to him except I felt more tired.   then when my first born was six months old i fell in shallow water going under I could not raise myself up. I kept yelling take the baby to my mom . Finally she grabbed her I was then able to get a grip of the surface to get myself up. Yeah I was scared as hell then bc I knew I was drowning. It was the scariest feeling iu ever had!. I did not want to die that way.  I vowed that day forward to never go in shallow water . Im actually very fearful of shallow water to swim in.   
     I have enmdured countless surgeries in my life 20 to be exact 6 were kid surgeries like  tonsil/adenoids and tubes. But I have had to go thru multiple orthopedic surgeries in my life as well as a few bigger operations. Brain Surgery being the biggest of them all. But surgery is surgery despite how big or little the procedure. I am blessed regardless how many surgeries Ive endured and I kno there are still going to be a few more bc of ongoing problems I still have, but regardless the circumstance I dont blame God. Hes blessed me with the gifyt to still breathe fresh air every morning I awake.  My kids are healthy, my parents are well, and I'm blessed with great friends! God is goood all the time, all the time god is good!. Blessings come in all sizes. It is what we do with them that matters.   Live like it was your last. Love a lot, Laugh more and embrace life to the fullest!

Forgiveness

  Today is going to be on forgiveness.  Anyone can say I forgive you, them, him , her. But honestly true forgiveness comes from deep within ones Soul. What do I mean. Im going to be blatantly honest here.
     As I child I grew up in a loving caring home. not always the best of times . I had a seizure disorder growing up. My dad did not know how to handle a child with a disability as slight as it was. He was very worried about me. But my life turned to hell about the Age of 5 or 6. Thats when  my life was turned upside down til I was about 16. I was sexuallyy abused by a family friends  son. I will never mention his name.

    But my journey to firgiveness began after brain surgery. After brain surgery for 4 years I had night sweats, panic  attacks, and relived my nightmares from the abuse I had put away in another world bc those flashbacks came flooding back  in a fury. I am a christian. At the time I was Catholic. i had this beautiful picture of Jesus hung in my room next to my bed. It was March/April 1995, I had not slept a solid night since I had come home from the hospital in Jan1992. I laid in my room screaming out to my mom  to get my dad home. I had to tell him . Mind you I was 18. never told anyone for fear of what could happen to me and my fIamily. I saw what my dad nearly did to my own grandfather for the stuff he did to me. 

     Two years  later, after telling my dad  I went in my room shut the door. I laid on my bed crying in pain to the Lord God Almighty. I said, father I can not live this way any more. I can not do this. What am I to do. He said forgive. I said I will only be able to forgive if you help me. If it is your will father thru you I will forgive the people who abused me. Just then the holy Spirit came thru the pictrure and ran thru my body. I felt such a peace like no other.  i later called the guy to ask him if he remembered. He never denied what he did. I told him he made my life miserable but he was forgiven. I felt such a liberation in telling him that. I hold no grudge against him . 

      Just because you forgive does not mean you forget the past. It is there. But the true depth of  spiritual forgiveness means you can find peace and move forward without angst or that feeling of hurt. I can talk of him to family and friends but I hold no anger towards him or ill will nor my grandfather. It is what it is. I came out on Top though bc I chose to not let them control me anymore. Thru Jesus you can achieve all things.  I have since come to forgive family members and school bullies much the same way thru Jesus.  I can say Im winning my life bc of it.    Forgiveness comes from deep within your soul. Pray to god ask him to help you forgive whatever hurts in your life so you are able to let go and feel peace  in your life . Life is too short to hold onto grudges.  Be well, be blessed, live, love, laugh and learn always!

Kim