Today is going to be on forgiveness. Anyone can say I forgive you, them, him , her. But honestly true forgiveness comes from deep within ones Soul. What do I mean. Im going to be blatantly honest here.
As I child I grew up in a loving caring home. not always the best of times . I had a seizure disorder growing up. My dad did not know how to handle a child with a disability as slight as it was. He was very worried about me. But my life turned to hell about the Age of 5 or 6. Thats when my life was turned upside down til I was about 16. I was sexuallyy abused by a family friends son. I will never mention his name.
As I child I grew up in a loving caring home. not always the best of times . I had a seizure disorder growing up. My dad did not know how to handle a child with a disability as slight as it was. He was very worried about me. But my life turned to hell about the Age of 5 or 6. Thats when my life was turned upside down til I was about 16. I was sexuallyy abused by a family friends son. I will never mention his name.
But my journey to firgiveness began after brain surgery. After brain surgery for 4 years I had night sweats, panic attacks, and relived my nightmares from the abuse I had put away in another world bc those flashbacks came flooding back in a fury. I am a christian. At the time I was Catholic. i had this beautiful picture of Jesus hung in my room next to my bed. It was March/April 1995, I had not slept a solid night since I had come home from the hospital in Jan1992. I laid in my room screaming out to my mom to get my dad home. I had to tell him . Mind you I was 18. never told anyone for fear of what could happen to me and my fIamily. I saw what my dad nearly did to my own grandfather for the stuff he did to me.
Two years later, after telling my dad I went in my room shut the door. I laid on my bed crying in pain to the Lord God Almighty. I said, father I can not live this way any more. I can not do this. What am I to do. He said forgive. I said I will only be able to forgive if you help me. If it is your will father thru you I will forgive the people who abused me. Just then the holy Spirit came thru the pictrure and ran thru my body. I felt such a peace like no other. i later called the guy to ask him if he remembered. He never denied what he did. I told him he made my life miserable but he was forgiven. I felt such a liberation in telling him that. I hold no grudge against him .
Just because you forgive does not mean you forget the past. It is there. But the true depth of spiritual forgiveness means you can find peace and move forward without angst or that feeling of hurt. I can talk of him to family and friends but I hold no anger towards him or ill will nor my grandfather. It is what it is. I came out on Top though bc I chose to not let them control me anymore. Thru Jesus you can achieve all things. I have since come to forgive family members and school bullies much the same way thru Jesus. I can say Im winning my life bc of it. Forgiveness comes from deep within your soul. Pray to god ask him to help you forgive whatever hurts in your life so you are able to let go and feel peace in your life . Life is too short to hold onto grudges. Be well, be blessed, live, love, laugh and learn always!
Kim
