Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Domestic Violence two cases of people I knew murdered...THE VERDICTS are in !!!!

            On September 15, 2014,  Circuit Judge Gary Kramer debunked Circuit Judge Mark Stoll and rejected plea deal for McDonough who killed  his estranged wife Deborah Mcdonough in their home in July 2012. . His plea gave him lesser charge and a lesser sentence. Come to find out his attorney was former prosecuting attorney. So this guy gets  his plea deal reinstated by the new judge  by charging him with 2nd  degree  murder and  sentencing him to 16  years in prison. How can a man who tells the police he hurt his wife real bad. Tells their son she was napping while she laid dead. Police find him hiding in the basement.
      Why would the new  new judge would reinstate his plea deal that the other judge rejected in 
January 2014? Debbies children are  living  with their grandparents doing well despite all they have been through.  But these children are now left motherless and fatherless by circumstance.  Debbie was killed because she wanted sole custody of her children and went to her home alone to pay bills on a business they had. ebbies family is still very devastated over her senseless murder. Please keep her family and children in your prayers.
     
   The case of Hank Hawes in Columbia , South Carolina is getting ready to begin in the murder of Jennifer Wilson. Jennifer was an associate professor at the University South Carolina-Columbia. She just earned her tenure there. She had  won a Fulbright Scholarship and spent a yr abroad. She helped in raising $500,00 for grants for the University her time there. She had a true love for literacy and making sure children learned to read and love it too. She was an avid skier as well. She was bubbly, vibrant and full of life. 
      Hank Hawes was her ex boyfriend. Sometime on the late evening evening hours  of  August 27, 2011 and early hours of August 28,2011 he  had a violent argument with her. The police came and knocked on her door lights out no answer they left.  By the time the police came Jennifer was already stabbed 50 times and Hawes remained hiding in her home til around 8 am. They found enough evidence in his home and car  and Jennifer's home to put him away for life. I hope the judge gives him the maximum sentence he can. Hank Hawes was sentenced to life in Prison. JUSTICE served!!No one else can be hurt by this Animal .  I pray for Jennifer's family and friends. 
   You see you don't have to be married in order to be a part of a domestic violence murder. Women are at a greater risk of being murdered when they get out of  their relationship.  Are  you or someone you know are being abused, Speak Up, don't remain Silent! Dont be ashamed! Its not your fault! Thing s you need when you leave:

Safety packing list

Safety packing list


Identification for yourself and your children

  • Birth certificates
  • Social Security cards (or numbers written on paper if you can't find the cards)
  • Driver's license
  • Photo identification or passports
  • Welfare benefits card
  • Green card

Important papers

  • Marriage certificate
  • Divorce papers
  • Custody orders
  • Legal protection or restraining orders
  • Health insurance papers and medical cards
  • Medical records for all family members
  • Children's school records
  • Investment papers/records and account numbers
  • Work permits
  • Immigration papers
  • Rental agreement/lease or house deed
  • Car title, registration, and insurance information
  • Records of police reports you have filed or other evidence of abuse

Money and other ways to get by

  • Cash
  • Credit cards
  • ATM card
  • Checkbook and bankbook (with deposit slips)
  • Jewelry or small objects you can sell

Keys

  • House
  • Car
  • Safety deposit box or Post Office box

Ways to communicate

  • Phone calling card*
  • Cellphone*
  • Address book

Medications

  • At least one month's supply for all medicines you and your children are taking
  • A copy of any prescriptions

Things to help you cope

  • Pictures
  • Keepsakes
  • Children's small toys or books
* Don't share a calling card or cellphone plan with an abuser, because they can be used to find you. And if you already have a shared card or phone plan, try not to use them after you've left.


Explore other publications and websitesMore information on Safety planning for abusive situations

http://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/safety-planning-for-abusive-situations.html

 www.thehotine.org
1-800-799-SAFE




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Monday, September 15, 2014

Domestic Violence awareness is October

Domestic violence Awareness!!!
  





    Domestic Violence is a topic I chose not because I am a victim of it or a survivor of it . But,because it is a cause I believe in. I did volunteer for a DV shelter while my hubby was away on a unaccompanied tour in S.Korea, in 1999-2000. I couldn't wallow in my pity anymore and my daughter needed her mother back. I decided the best thing to do was go train and volunteer somewhere that I could make a difference and that's what I did. I trained 30 hrs with the Center and underwent interviews for the volunteer position regularly during training. Training was intense and well planned. I could not ask for better. I learned a lot back then. But Since then unfortunately statistics have gotten worse.
Women are beaten, battered ,or abused every 9 seconds in America.  One in every four women experience domestic violence and one in every six will experience a sexual assualt. Did you know that 1 in 12 women and 1 in 45 men will be stalked in their lifetime. Wow thats a scary statistic isn't it.
 2 The majority (73%) of family violence victims are female. Females were 84% of spousal abuse
An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.

victims and 86% of abuse victims at the hands of a boyfriend.


Factors include:
1.addictions to drugs/ alcohol
2. being raised in that enviroment, its a learned behavior to the child who then grows up to be an abuser.
those are only a few factors
Domestic violence is emotional, verbal, physical or sexual, or psychological abuse. Domestic violence is all about control. They tend to act as if they are out of control but in all actuiality they have total control. There arte three cycles to domestic violence this picture implements it very well. Take a look at the cycles of it 

Women need to be safe during any of these periods.
Women who do chose to leave a batterer are at a 75% greater risk of being murdered by their abuser. But many women do succeed in fleeing and getting that second chance at a free life . In order to leave a battered situation one must be very careful and have many things in order first.

Men are also battered but they are far less likely to report it and statistics are low but we do know it exists. But men I ask you to please come forth with it we need your cases to be heard. We need to have better statistics on you. Never be ashamed it happens and we know it does . You can call the hotline anonymously too at 1-800-799-SAFE.

If you know you are going to leave open a bank account in your name only for your financial safety and identity
1.) Have a Plan A always have a support system in action
2.) always have a backup plan in case something goes awry.
3.) the abused must cut off all communication from their abuser once they leave.
4.) gather all important documents for yourself and children.(birth certificates, social security cards, insurance cards, driver's license, passports)
5.) have spare change for emergency calls or a cell phone
6.) always leave when abuser is not at home
7. ) If need be call cops for help if you feel your safety is threatened while trying to leave
8.) keep all voice recorded voice/text messages as evidence
Once you are to a safe location seek a order of protection for you and your children. You come first!!
If by all means you need a safe haven call a local Domestic violence Shelter in your area. Most provide shelter for 30 days and offer counseling, group therapy, legal services, job support , and help find you a safe place to start over. They try to provide you with all basic necessities  you don't have to help you start over.
It is hard Work, but it can be done ladies . Mostly the Salvation Army is there to help the men in need. there are not many shelters for men who are abused . But Salvation Army is a great source to help you. I seen it first hand. Whats truly gratifying is when one is helped and comes back and says later thank You and has a new bundle of Joy in her arms from a new found start in her life with a new relationship. It truly is satisfying.
I not have been battered but I have been in a very verbally abusive relationship with my first boyfriend what a way to learn huh. I have seen Domestic violence in other family members who have gone thru it and other military spouses who endured it.
     Now can a man or woman really change. I say this loosely. Only if they truly want to change only if they ask god and seeks professional help do I believe he/she can because I do not think a person can't do it on their own. But even then sometimes it is not possible for change. Sometimes it is be better to just lock them up and throw in the towel as they say. I have known many who don't think they are doing wrong so they don't need help. But is it ok for a person to lay a hand on a person when they are angered or in a state of irate. NO!  So then if you are angry , mad, or full of rage we need to learn to step away from our loved ones instead of using them as punching bags. It is not right and it is abusive to not only the body but to a persons mind and soul too.  It does not matter if you know a person well or not if you see abuse or hear anything out of the ordinary report it to the Police or call 1-800-799-SAFE for Domestic violence. Never let it go unreported.

Several years ago I moved to Texas. I met a very nice neighbor I liked her a lot, but not so much her husband. I am a watcher. I watched how she acted when he was around. One day or actually many days striking up a conversation on my volunteering at domestic violence shelter. She never told me . I just knew. She said how did you  know?  I said I really didn't but by watching how scared you were to step away from him when I was talking to her. She wouldn't say much. Then one day in November /December that year she kicked him out. She & I talked at great lengths. I never heard any screaming/ yelling or seen any bruises if I had I would of told. I know the damaging affects it can do but she said by all the info Id given her thru our random talks gave her courage to seek help from a shelter and to leave her husband. I was proud of that. A few years later she remarried and hes a great provider to her and her children. I love a great ending to a bad beginning. Love does not need to hurt. 



Domestic violence is real and exists in america. Here are a few pics of what it looks like after ones been battered or beaten. Please report it if you ever see it in any way.


Another thing one should do is to always ask if you suspect it, but to assure the one you think is being battereed its not their fault. You are only there to help them. Many feel abandoned bc many are by family and friends. Battered women don't leave for many reasons. And I can tell ya its not because they are stupid its out of pure fear of dying, low self esteem, no job skills/life skills. once one can obtain those they can do anything. I have confidence in anyone who wants a better life and wants to leave but let others help you do that. Do not go about it alone!

Now I leave you with this poem i found .



www.asafeplaceforhelp.org
www.thehotline.org

Help stop Domestic ABuse, Child Abuse and Elderly Abuse . Love is not meant to hurt but Abuse does!!
Much love and blessings,
Kim





  On August 28,2011, a girl I went to high school with was murdered by stabbing, by a former boyfriend at her place in South Carolina.She was an associate Professor at South Carolina University-Columbia and just earned her tenure there.
      She was an accomplished woman, who had passion for teaching children to love to read . Literacy was very important to her as I have come to know after her death. I wish we were friends b4 her death. She had an infectious smile and a positive outlook on life. A very sweet girl now woman. her life taken far too soon for all the wrong reasons.  I have been praying for her family and friends as of late.  The eerie thing is ,  I saw her pic in my yearbook from 1993, and asked where are u now and got this eerie feeling over me.  So sad to find out the following day she was murdered.  You will forever be remembered Jennifer. o you see you don't have to be married to be in a bad situation? You can be a relationship  that has been over  for months but the one person cant let go! So please  be safe when you chose to leave .  
     In 2012 another girl I went to school with was murdered by her estranged husband , leaving two beautiful children to be raised by her parents and a active uncle. Debbie you will forever be remember too.May God Bless them all and everyone who is affected by Domestic Violence. 





here are some great websites to go to if you or someone you know needs help.

www.endabuse.org
www.thehotline.org


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