Forgiveness

  Today is going to be on forgiveness.  Anyone can say I forgive you, them, him , her. But honestly true forgiveness comes from deep within ones Soul. What do I mean. Im going to be blatantly honest here.
     As I child I grew up in a loving caring home. not always the best of times . I had a seizure disorder growing up. My dad did not know how to handle a child with a disability as slight as it was. He was very worried about me. But my life turned to hell about the Age of 5 or 6. Thats when  my life was turned upside down til I was about 16. I was sexuallyy abused by a family friends  son. I will never mention his name.

    But my journey to firgiveness began after brain surgery. After brain surgery for 4 years I had night sweats, panic  attacks, and relived my nightmares from the abuse I had put away in another world bc those flashbacks came flooding back  in a fury. I am a christian. At the time I was Catholic. i had this beautiful picture of Jesus hung in my room next to my bed. It was March/April 1995, I had not slept a solid night since I had come home from the hospital in Jan1992. I laid in my room screaming out to my mom  to get my dad home. I had to tell him . Mind you I was 18. never told anyone for fear of what could happen to me and my fIamily. I saw what my dad nearly did to my own grandfather for the stuff he did to me. 

     Two years  later, after telling my dad  I went in my room shut the door. I laid on my bed crying in pain to the Lord God Almighty. I said, father I can not live this way any more. I can not do this. What am I to do. He said forgive. I said I will only be able to forgive if you help me. If it is your will father thru you I will forgive the people who abused me. Just then the holy Spirit came thru the pictrure and ran thru my body. I felt such a peace like no other.  i later called the guy to ask him if he remembered. He never denied what he did. I told him he made my life miserable but he was forgiven. I felt such a liberation in telling him that. I hold no grudge against him . 

      Just because you forgive does not mean you forget the past. It is there. But the true depth of  spiritual forgiveness means you can find peace and move forward without angst or that feeling of hurt. I can talk of him to family and friends but I hold no anger towards him or ill will nor my grandfather. It is what it is. I came out on Top though bc I chose to not let them control me anymore. Thru Jesus you can achieve all things.  I have since come to forgive family members and school bullies much the same way thru Jesus.  I can say Im winning my life bc of it.    Forgiveness comes from deep within your soul. Pray to god ask him to help you forgive whatever hurts in your life so you are able to let go and feel peace  in your life . Life is too short to hold onto grudges.  Be well, be blessed, live, love, laugh and learn always!

Kim

My candid story!

Hello everyone! I wanted to be very open and honest about me. It will be 20 years ago this December, that I had brain surgery that would change my life forever. I had a stroke during the surgery that left me partially paralyzed on my left side.I had to fight to graduate from high school after graduation. It was a miserable time for me. But i knew one thing God was there for me.

I was so morbidly obese from my inability to move like I once could aand I would eat late at night. In 2000, I underwent gastric bypass surgery. it was amazing ! In 2000 I dropped down to my lowest weight in 20 year 160lbs. I looked good and felt great! I like who I was and what I looked like so thin! I was walking 6 miles a day doing 2,000 crunchies a day! I was enjoying life. Then I was in a bad car accident in 2002 that set me back because of my lungs. In 2003, I gave birth to my second child, what a blessing.

          When she was 8 weeks old i fell up an escalator with her and as she landed upside down in her carrier going up the escalator I had my knee go behind my back being dragged up the escalator 3/4 the way till some1 finally stopped it. That pretty much traumatized my knee into total dislocation but the military denied anything wrong after a 4th meniscus surgery on my knee. I had to see a German surgeon 4 yrs after the incident to get my knee put back into correct spot only to be told I still need a knee replacement at 34 then. That rehabilitation I was off my feet for 6 months, wheelchair bounded because I cant use crutches nor a walker.It was my good knee that was damaged. Since the last surgery in 2007 I have not regained any real ability to walk long distances, or stand for long period of time. Have a lot of pain in my knee constantly.

     My hubby yes married me with a disability and it was for better or worse. But today I am pretty much in need of my wheelchair to go places that require me to walk a lot. I feel robbed and some days I just wish I were normal and could enjoy things with my kids like rollerskating, bicycling and running. I cant do any of them. I love to watch them and god has blessed me. Moral of the story don't ever judge a person by what they look like bc you cant see their pain nor disabilities always. it stings us. In all fairness I sometimes feel as though hubby has been robbed of things bc of my disability. Yes even though I can’t change my disability for what it is, It is not  like a person with an addiction can change, but it hurts all the same because I am human. I have feelings and emotions and scars to prove them.
     Although I have let go and let god many years ago  and thankful to him for all hes done for me,bc with out him I would not be here today, without him Id never finished college. I'm not done yet. He has a plan for my life. Hes working with me always.
     Please be kinder and gentler to those in your life and help serve others who are less fortunate in this world. I love serving others and helping others who are less fortunate but I want them to be encouraged and empowered not let down and feeling hopeless or worthless. There's so much more to life than material goods and our wants. Live, Love a lot,Laugh more and learn!